“Push it, push it, push it,” I said to myself as I watched the time tick down on my elliptical.
I was trying to double the time I had ever spent on the elliptical. I was pushing myself harder than I had in a long time, and I felt it. It wasn’t comfortable. I started to quit early several times, but I couldn’t. I was working for a goal. Achieving my, one hour, goal on my exercise machine isn’t really significant. It didn’t really matter whether I pushed myself or not that morning, it’s more of what it symbolized. This was a start of a new beginning.
My life, over the last few months, maybe even years, has been pretty unbalanced. From my weight to finances, I have allowed things to just happen. I haven’t been directing the river of life. I have stood back and just gone with the flow. This laid back attitude about life has left me over weight, broke and depressed. I can’t just let life happen to me any more. I need to finally take control and follow through with my goals. That seems to be my biggest problem, follow through. I’m always very zealous about things to start, but as soon as the passion begins to wane, I give up. I’m tired of living life this way. I want, no need, to take control.
Three pregnancies, a bad diet and little exercise have all left me over weight and out of shape. The fact that I’m an emotional eater doesn’t help either. My weight makes me depressed, so I eat. My marriage gets me frustrated, so I eat. My finances make me angry, so I eat. I eat and eat and did I mention that I like to eat? It wouldn’t be a problem if my favorite treat was celery, but like most emotional eaters, it’s not. Bread, cake, cookies, chips, pastries–okay, enough, I can’t even think about all those tasty treats. They taste good in the mouth, but become sour on the hips. I have to start taking care of myself. It’s what I need to do to make me feel better and also make me a better mother.
I must show my children that when they start something that they should finish it. I am their first example and therefore, need to be their best example. I, also, need to make sure I’m available to be their mother as long as possible. I know that there are things in life that I can’t prevent, but I’m going to do everything I can to be there for them. I want to run with them, play with them and be active with them. It’s no longer just a maybe, it’s a must. I have to push myself to get my health in check, and a thinner me wouldn’t hurt either.
There are times when I’m an emotional wreck. I would love to blame it on Aunt Flo, but she doesn’t visit every day of every month, so that’s not really logical. I have a tendency to be a snappy mommy. I feel like a little yappy dog, just nipping at my kids all the time, but that’s not fair. I can’t take out my personal emotional unrest on them. What am I learning? I may not be able to control what life throws my way, but I can control how I react to those things. Attitude is everything. I’ve been really working hard on my attitude, which will help my relationship with my children and husband–oh, and my relationship with food.
What has this evaluation of my life taught me? It’s all a cycle. If I keep my attitude in check, I eat healthier, am happier and a more productive member of my family. If I eat the good, I mean, bad stuff, I’m depressed, eat even worse and am not a very nice person. It can be a happy marry-go-round or a sad one. I’m ready to get on a happy-go-round and start to round down my waist line and round up my happiness. My goal is to get myself in shape, mind, body and soul. But most importantly, my goal is to actually reach my goal.